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My philosophy WAS that if you befriend a girl first, then when once she discovers what a top bloke you are, she will have no choice but to fall in love with you (and you won't risk rejection when you finally summon up the courage to ask her out).

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***QUESTION***

"Hi David, my name is G. and I have been reading all your Emails and book but failed to follow up.

My problem is (was) as follows.

I am 44 years and my girl is 33 years with 4 year child. The relationship started ok until I decided that being kind, and supportive would be better choice of behavior during her divorce proceedings. During this time all she talked about was her x abusive husband and how they had a great daily sex life. But the abuse and beating got to her and call it quits.

Now that her divorce is final ,she now wants me to be friends only with her.

In the last few days she been sleeping with another guy whom I have met. He is funny, self confident, assertive, kind of cocky. So I am left holding her hand while this guy enjoys her bush.

Given that I have failed to be like this new lover, is there a way that I can get her back... Or should I walk away and lick my wound for another day?

G."

***MY RESPONSE:***

There are few things in life as upsetting to a man as the idea that the woman he desires is having sex with someone else...

I want to point out something here that a lot of guys don't really think of when they SHOULD be thinking...

JUST BECAUSE A WOMAN IS GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD ACT LIKE A "NICE GUY WUSS FRIEND".

It's important to remember that if you want a woman to feel ATTRACTION for you, you need to do the thing that will cause that feeling. I know this sounds obvious, but it just seems to slip our minds when the woman of our desires is going through a tough time in life.

We will often tend to "be more nice and understanding" only to find out later that this very expression of our caring turned out to be the end of the relationship. Bummer.

So what's the answer?

Well, as it turns out, I've been in similar situations to your several times, and had the girl that I was treating very well decide to leave. It really sucked.

I think you have to keep the balance, while at the same time staying attractive.

In other words, in the real world you sometimes have to stop what you're doing and give a little bit to a person who is going through a tough situation. I realize this.

But at the same time it's VERY important to present yourself as someone that is strong, confident, and ATTRACTIVE.

If your girl is having a hard time, keep up the cocky and funny attitude... make fun of her problems so she laughs at them. Make comments that let her know that you're on her side and at the same time you're not going to let her situation drag you down (or into it).

If I had a dollar for every well-meaning guy who screwed up a great thing by turning into a wuss at the first sign of a woman's problems... and in the process caused her to start to only like him "as a friend"...