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Even if she's shy her reaction might be fumbling and nerdy, but it should still be apparent.

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***QUESTION***

"Here is a quick question.

What is your opinion of eye contact with women? What does it do to them and why is it important to hold it and establish it with woman. I really appreciate your answer because this has been a problem area for me. I used to be very shy and avoid too much eye contact and had women show initial interest in me but then back off saying I was not interested in them. To avoid that now I establish and maintain it for a longer periods of time and it seems to work well. In your opinion why is this so important and what does it do to women?

M."

***MY COMMENTS***


Eye contact is a huge topic... and I'm glad you asked this question. I believe that unconsciously, we humans use our eye contact for several main purposes. We use it to establish dominance, to get attention, to show interest, etc. If you use the wrong type of eye contact or lack of contact in the wrong situation, you'll wind up with the wrong result. When I first meet a new woman, my eye contact is communicating "I'm interested in talking to you, but I'm not OVERPOWERED by your presence."

Here's how:

1) I'll look directly at them at the beginning of the conversation (usually), and only glance away a few times (so I don't look like a psycho... lol). This shows that I'm not AFRAID of them, and that they have my attention for the moment.

2) If the conversation progresses, I'll break up the eye contact with looking away, talking to other people, etc. and then coming back to look directly at them. This shows that I am not needy (again, not looking at them like a psycho).

3) When I get together with a girl for the first time for tea, etc. I'll actually not look at them very much, instead preferring to act like more of a "best friend." I'll joke around and have fun, but not act too serious. By doing this, it creates a question in her mind: "Does he like me?".

Short answer: Use enough eye contact so that it's clear to her that you're not AFRAID of her, but not so much that you intrude on her space. As the conversation progresses, use less and turn up the humor to create tension. Thanks for the email.